


Crash and Burn

by manarai



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: F/F, Gen, Heavy Angst, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-23
Updated: 2015-01-23
Packaged: 2018-03-08 19:26:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3220643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manarai/pseuds/manarai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruka and Michiru in a well-established (if a bit co-dependent) relationship, in which not everything is as it would seem.</p>
<p>Caution for angst and mental health issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crash and Burn

_(“Whatever would you do without me?”_  
 _“Crash and burn, dear. I wouldn’t last three days without you and you know it.”)_

  
Perhaps it shouldn’t trouble Michiru at all that Haruka declared herself dependent on her to such an extent. Especially when it was usually all about talking politely to people on the phone, getting the directions when driving in unknown places or just plain fixing her cufflinks. But it did; on some very deep, primal level Michiru wondered how Haruka would cope if she were left alone.

  
If Michiru were to die.

  
Of course they had their secret identities as warriors for love and justice; they had those semi-divine powers which allowed them to fight monsters from outer space. All of their closest friends were warriors, even though you couldn’t see it when they were in their civilian forms. They had their secret magical wands which allowed them to transform. And they had such adventures, it was so dangerous! It was sheer luck that they were still alive, all of them. Which made the problem gradually more pressing, because Michiru could die any time now, the day after tomorrow or in a month’s time. Haruka would have to cope.

  
She remembered how Haruka was before they met – or rather, before Michiru realized that she was the one, she was her destined life partner. Always on the run, always engaging in those risky sports, never here and now. Alone, because she made herself so. And she would be alone again, alone against the world shaking around her, descending slowly into madness and stupor till nothing was left of this vibrant, beautiful woman she was now.

  
Michiru decided she would make sure it never came to that. She would never leave Haruka alone.

  
_(“I don’t know, maybe I should be more concerned. I think she might be getting worse.”_  
 _“Perhaps we should get together more often?”_  
 _“No, it’s not for the best. Each time we meet and there’s all of us, she gets some new ideas afterwards. New stories, new monsters, new fighs. I get it, I know she is ill. But… the things she was saying about Hotaru yesterday.”_  
 _“What of Hotaru?”_  
 _“Apparently Hotaru is a reincarnation of some warrior of destruction and whatnot, and should not be allowed to awaken. I don’t know what she meant by that, I’m just so worried. Actually, I called to ask a favor of you, Usagi.”_  
 _“Whatever I can do to help, you know I’m here for you.”_  
 _“Could you and Mamoru… could you have Hotaru over for a few days? Setsuna will be around later today; maybe she’ll change her meds, or I don’t know, do something.”_  
 _“That’s no problem at all, Chibiusa will be delighted. Do drop her anytime, or maybe I could go over to your place? I hope Setsuna will help.”_  
 _“You know I would do anything so that she wouldn’t have to go to that… hospital again. She hated it there, it wasn’t any good for her.”_  
 _“Is it… is she that bad? Hospital bad, I mean?”)_

  
But then Haruka would just go and flirt with anyone. Random people in the streets, her colleagues from work, their mutual friends. Makoto, Minako, Usagi even. Michiru would suffer it quietly – she hasn’t seen any actual infidelity, so perhaps it was nothing, or nothing she couldn’t take, but maybe it was. What if Haruka found herself a new partner after Michiru died, what if it was Usagi? They have always been inseparable, in their civilian life and as warriors and Michiru wouldn’t have it any other way, but what if Haruka would? She was spending far too long on the phone with Usagi of late. And she was always telling everyone that they still had a chance.

  
What if she wouldn’t even wait till Michiru was dead?

  
And there was Setsuna, the warrior of time. She was a time traveler too, Michiru was certain of that. She was always arriving out of the blue, spending time with them as if she belonged, doing things around the house together and talking – always talking to Michiru, as if she had no common topics with Haruka or simply wasn’t interested – but it was the talk of someone who didn’t know them as they were; the questions she was asking, it all seemed as if she came from an alternate reality, or from a past or a future maybe, in which there was no Uranus, or there was no Neptune, or they weren’t together. Why else would she ask how Michiru felt about Haruka, or to tell her about their life as it were. There was time and space in which they were not together, and Setsuna had seen it. Setsuna had seen how broken Haruka would be alone; crashed and burned.

  
_(“Am I a terrible person, Mina?”_  
 _“You could never be a terrible person. But what is it about you that you think is so terrible, ah?”_  
 _“Sometimes I feel as if she was – not here. Somewhere, in her own world. Leaving me in the here and now, alone, with Hotaru, and my job, and the house, and her meds, and, well, everything. She just seems so alien. I’m having trouble following all the adventures, and she’s getting… no, not mad, but – disappointed. As if I forgot something important, an anniversary, the like. I know these things are important to her, now, but I can’t know what she’s thinking. I just can’t reach her, and it’s killing me.”_  
 _“You’re the best person I know, Haruka. The opposite of terrible. I don’t think there’s anything you could do to change it, to suddenly make you a villain in this story. No such luck.”_  
 _“Gee, thanks. Does this mean I’ll live to tell the tale, or whatever?”_  
 _“Are we still cosmic warriors?”_  
 _“Don’t even start. Now it’s possible that Hotaru might be one too.”_  
 _“Good for her. Cosmic warriors are sexy.”_  
 _“That’s my daughter you…!”_  
 _“Relax, silly, you know who I meant!”_  
 _“I know. Hey… thanks. It’s good to just talk silly every once in a while.”_  
 _“Silly talk is what I live for, y’know.”_  
 _“Now tell me all about that sexy cosmic warrior of yours.”)_

  
She could see it all, the past and the future, in her Deep Aqua Mirror. Her sacred talisman, a physical manifestation of her own pure heart crystal, similar in nature to the Space Sword Haruka had, but obviously didn’t show off in public; it wouldn’t be wise with a sharp object. The mirror told her there was a new enemy approaching. Soon she could hear it, the high-pitched voice spewing profanities from behind the Moon – they were here, the shadow grew.

  
They should always be together. Neptune and Uranus, the soldiers of the outer Solar System. Magnificent warriors of the ancient Silver Millennium, re-born time after time and time again. One would not do without the other. Michiru just knew all this happened before and all this would happen again. They were being reborn, re-awakened each time after they died, so they didn’t really die, not forever. It was more like a break, or a getaway from this life to another, that’s what death was. Except if Michiru died and Haruka was left alone. They could have trouble finding one another in the next life then. Perhaps that’s what happened with the one before this, that’s why Haruka didn’t awaken as Uranus immediately when Neptune appeared. Perhaps this previous Michiru just died and left her Haruka to live and die alone. Maybe she believed it was worth it.

  
Well, it was not.

  
The enemy was growing stronger. The energy gathered from human beings was filling up a secret matchbox in the bathroom and Michiru would go there every once in a while, perhaps every twelve hours, just to check on that. And to frown, because now they would need all the power they had to fight this enemy, perhaps Usagi could get a new transformation, which might mean they would all get an upgrade and new powers. And there was more and more human energy every day, this time in form of little white pills. The enemy would attack soon. Could be any day now.

  
_(“So, how does she seem to you?”_  
 _“Self-absorbed, too much so. You were right to call. She might be relapsing. I’m sorry; it seemed so well under control with those last prescriptions, but you can never have a 100% solution for this.”_  
 _“What do you suggest?”_  
 _“I would have her admitted for tests and for your own safety, but I suspect you won’t agree.”_  
 _“You suspect right. Do I need to sign?”_  
 _“No, not this time. I’m here unofficially anyway. No, don’t…! I’m your friend, you don’t need to pay me.”_  
 _“You know there’s still enough left. I don’t need your pity. I might not have a racing car or a helicopter – though that was one of her better ideas, I have to admit – but I can pay you for a house call consultation.”_  
 _“You’d better use the money for a functional MRI and a brain CT, or whatever the neurologists need to check if there’s no new damage. That’s not my area, I’m afraid. But I can have a word with a colleague there, to schedule her as soon as possible.”_  
 _“Gosh, when I think of the last time she had the MRI… you remember the shooting panels, don’t you? The ones from the cathedral? When she was bound and they were shooting at us both, and then she had to free me, and they kept shooting …?”)_

  
The voices were so clear now, crystal clear. At first they made little to no sense, but now she understood them all too well. The visions were coming not only in dreams, but even in broad daylight, effectively switching her out. One tough enemy this one was.

  
And apparently you could only destroy them in a one-on-one fight only, in an isolated energy bubble which no one else could even touch. If someone interfered, if anything other than this one duel would happen at the same time, the world would be lost, everything would be gone and transformed into that dark void hiding behind the full moon. Why is it always the full moon? Has it always been so sinister?

  
Michiru would prefer it if they were to fight together; they always fought together, they were inseparable and understood one another so well in combat. But this was not to be, not this time. Haruka had to sit this one out. The mirror showed that too, crystal clear, exactly like the voices said: it was Michiru who was taking on this enemy. It would be difficult, it would be terrifying to accept this duel without her partner by her side, but Michiru was strong. Stronger than the other warriors. Except for Usagi, perhaps, but Usagi was the Princess, for one, and Usagi was not suited for such solitary missions; she would insist that they all join forces and fight as a team, or at least kiss and be nice to each other. And she wasn’t stronger than Haruka either, but this mission wasn’t for her. This was a delicate matter and needed to be handled with true elegance. The enemy had to be fought by their rules and with weapons of their choosing. And Michiru knew she could take them on. She was the one chosen.

  
But first, she had to make sure Haruka wouldn’t interfere; too much was at stake.

  
It would be just for this moment. They would awaken and meet again soon enough, the next Michiru and the next Haruka.

  
_(“Dear, what spices did you use for this…? No, don’t be upset, I like it! It’s very tasty, honest! It’s just new to me, this taste, I’ll have to get used to that.”_  
 _“How was your day? Did you do anything fun? I got the schedule for the championships, you know, the big event next month. I’ll have to do more studio hours. Minako is going to be reporting live from the site. Perhaps, when you’re better, I could apply for live coverage of some event as well, and you could go with me, would you like that? Somewhere foreign. Europe, maybe? You could paint some landscapes.”_  
 _“So nice of you to have cooked. It’s a treat, really.”_  
 _“What’s the occasion? Are we celebrating anything, or is that just because Hotaru’s out at Usagi’s…? Hey, I can celebrate with juice as well, I know you can’t drink alcohol with the medicine you’re taking…”_  
 _“Okay, if you insist. Maybe I need to unwind too. I’m more tired than I thought I was.”_  
 _“Weird. The wine seems more potent than usual. It really goes to my head, it’s almost hilarious.”_  
 _“No, really. I have to lie down. Come lie with me? No funny business, I promise. I’ll just hold you.”_  
 _“You’re… warm, Michiru…”_  
 _“Are you afraid, love? Don’t… don’t be… afraid… Sleep. It’s just… sleep…”)_

  
She saw the light.

  
First rays of the morning sun came creeping through the east windows, reached the bed and climbed up Haruka’s back. She was lying on her side, holding Michiru’s smaller form; ever the cuddler. Only it was colder in her embrace than it usually was. Perhaps it was this that woke her up; or maybe it were the voices, telling her it was time.

  
Michiru disentangled herself from the now-limp, long arms and checked for Haruka’s pulse. She seemed so peaceful and untroubled, and the stain on her cheek looked innocently enough, as if she drooled in her sleep again, the great dork. Michiru ruffled her hair and briefly touched her cheek. They would meet again, soon enough.

  
She prepared for the final fight swiftly and methodically, taking only what was needed. Spare sheets. Leftover alcohol. The matchbox, still not empty after the pills were used – there were several actual matches on the bottom. It was obvious what she was to do. The voices were crystal clear.

  
Michiru was not afraid of fire; she was the warrior of the sea after all. Neither was she afraid of heights. She went straight to the roof of the apartment tower.

  
_(“Whatever would I do without you?”)_

  
They found Michiru first.


End file.
